But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
As I’ve been thinking about what we are going to do this year in Roatan, I’ve been praying and trying to hear what God has to say about it. To my frustration, until today, He has met me with silence. I’ve been wondering if I’m missing something. I’ve felt as though I have nothing to bring to the table because I don’t know what God wants. It’s kind of a helpless feeling really. I’m supposed to have some kind of direction to give the team. I could make something up, just to fill the time with a list of ideas, so I don’t seem unprepared, go ahead with planning activities, outreach events, and the like, and just be confident that it’ll all work out. I guess in some ways, it would. But I want more than that, and God does too.
Today He broke his silence with an unexpected answer to a question that I didn’t even ask. In fact, I thought He and I had covered this territory before. I thought we were square on this. There is a gnawing in my stomach that tells me that I’m just now starting to get it.
My heart really, sincerely, genuinely wants to be used by God. Really. I have no reservations about that being an honest statement that is true and sincere. But here’s the catch. I thought I had surrendered to His will. I thought I was not working for selfish gain. I thought I was letting him lead. But I wasn’t. I still try to orchestrate, manipulate, and arrange things to the way I think they should be. Instead of depending on God, I panic because of deadlines, or limitations that I perceive, and then I try to come up with a plan, or an idea, and then ask God to bless it. This is what I do, not only for this mission, but for everything. It’s backwards, but it is so easy to slip into. What follows is anxiety, fear, and worry…none of the attributes that God has given us as his disciples.
God is in control, and either I believe that, or I don’t. Either I board the train that is already in motion for his purposes, or I continue to run alongside it, using my own exhausted, restless heart to try to do what only He can do. What only He can do…That’s what I long to be part of. That’s what I want to show up…in the lives of the individuals on our team, in the church body that is sending us, and ultimately in this mission. God is not working in Honduras for one week out of every year. He is there every day and every hour. It is our pleasure to be able to have His presence in our lives, intersect with the lives of the people we serve there. He has shown us over and over again that He uses our time together as a blessing to the people we serve, as well as to every team member who has gone with us, all the while bringing glory to Himself.
This year, as we continue to meet and seek the will of God, my prayer is that we do not settle for what we can do. It is my prayer that this year we see more of God and less of us. It is my prayer that our time in Honduras and for the rest of our lives, we are able to see and be part of the supernatural power that is available to us, through Christ. It is my prayer that we may be part of what only He can do. God answered my prayers for direction. He wants us to seek Him, not a list of things to do or tasks to complete. He wants us, as individuals, and as a team, to simply be all-in, hands empty, hearts fully surrendered. That’s enough. Everything else will follow.